Some songs and poems make you feel more than you thought. They make you feel that it was just meant for you to listen or read.
When you find these songs and poems, it makes you feel so happy and at the same time also relieved that you aren’t the only one feeling it.
I came across one such song a few days ago. It’s called “Khud se” by Osho jain.
कोई भी ना मिलता है मुझसे
सब ही ख़फ़ा हैं क्या मुझसे? /
Deep down, all my life I’ve been afraid all the time that maybe I’ll do something that will upset someone and that person will never talk to me. I’ve always felt that people will leave me because I’m not fun to be around or because I don’t talk too much.
I’m so afraid of all this, I think I apologize more than I even breathe. I always have an extra sorry for everyone. Oh I didn’t mean it that way. It doesn’t matter if I you know them or not. It doesn’t matter if it was my mistake or not. It doesn’t matter if they asked you for it or not. I feel like my first word to everyone I meet is sorry instead of hello.
ना गिला है कोई ‘गर ख़फ़ा हैं वो,
शायद मैं भी ख़फ़ा हूँ खुद से |
Some people think of me as people are spineless but it’s not. I don’t do this because of someone else. I do this because I continuously think that if someone is wrong in a situation, it’s me. I constantly believe that it’d be me who would have done any kind of a mistake.
मुझको नदियों, पहाड़ों ने बोला
“कोई भी ख़फ़ा ना है तुझसे
तू ही ख़फ़ा है बस खुद से” |
It has taken me so long to realize that it’s not the people who are mad or angry at me. It’s me who is angry at myself. Angry because of all the things I could have been but I didn’t try hard enough. Angry because I take forever to get out of my comfort zones. Angry because I hold onto people even when I know they’re not good for me. Angry because I don’t believe in myself the way I believe in others.
This one’s for all of you who are mad at yourselves,
Forgive yourself today.
by Dishak Jain